Last night I was laying in bed thinking about my future, getting back into the dating scene, hopefully getting married again someday. It made me start to think, what makes a good relationship/marriage. First off, I know it starts with having the same foundation. Having a relationship with God. Being evenly Yoked. I know that loving God and wanting to please him is important. It is from that foundation that you are able to love your partner how you should. In 4 1/2 years of marriage, Aaron and I never had one fight. Perhaps it was because there were so many larger things going on that the things we could fight over seemed insignificant and not worth the argument. I also believe it is because we always put the other before ourselves. If you're focused on putting your partner first and showing them love, you don't have time to think about the little things that annoy you or are petty. Of course putting your partner first has to be something you choose to do on a daily basis. The moment you no longer WANT to do it, but continue to do it, you can start to develop bitterness and animosity toward the other person. Also if you're on the receiving end, it's important to acknowledge the effort your partner is putting into the relationship. Let them know that you appreciate what they do. It shouldn't be something that comes to be expected, but always appreciated. I know nothing makes me want to drop everything I've been doing and quit more than a statement about the words, "how come you didn't......" or "I thought you would have (blank) by now" or "are you ever going to....". Making someone feel inadequate is not the way to motivate. Chances are if you show appreciation and compliment, you'll get they will want to do more. Nothing made me happier than knowing something I did put a smile on Aaron's face.
I know a lot of women have an issue with the word submit when it comes to vows. For me to submit doesn't mean I'm being controlled. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I'm fairly independent, will not be talked down to, and will not be controlled. Marriage/a relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship. So heads up guys, I will tell you no and expect you to accept it lol. However, I do think the man should be head of the household. I think it is important for the woman to respect her man and out of love, submit to him as you would to God. I think it's important for a couple to talk things out and a woman should definitely have a say in what happens. Submitting doesn't mean you walk around saying, "yes sir" and "no sir". It means that you trust the person you're with and know that whatever decision is made that you know he has yours and his best interest in mind and you're trusting God that it's the right decision. So yes, even though I can hold my own and am perfectly comfortable saying no, I will submit because I believe that's what God asks us to do, just like he asks the men to Love their wives as Christ loved the church. Either way you look at it, you're right back to putting the other before yourself.
I love how The Message words 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
I believe if you base a relationship on that and never stray from God's words he will bless the relationship.
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