Playing pin the plan on my life

Well, This has been an interesting week. It started to get difficult Tuesday night when Aaron went into the ER for difficulty breathing. They did EKGs, blood work and an MRI and found nothing out of the ordinary. So at 3am we went back home. I went to work the next day with a decent amount of coffee to make it. That night after I got home from work the breathing issue started to get worse so we went back to the ER. This time they did more blood work, another EKG and a chest x-ray still showing nothing. So again back home around midnight and up and off to work the next morning. Thursday night Aaron and I went to bed around 7:30pm to try and catch up on sleep. He woke up about an hour later crying. This week has been very difficult for him. He's mourning his own life it seems. No one should ever have to do that. I layed in bed as he sat on the edge crying. I felt so helpless. There are no words to say that feel like you can help someone who is facing death, but doesn't want to die. There's also the other side of that in chemo is so rough he's not sure how much longer he can go through it. All I can say is that I support his decision and understand that he needs to do what he has to. Of course I want his to be around longer but I don't want him to be miserable. It's a difficult decision to make.
We've started getting phone calls from Dr's we owe money to. That's always fun. I just want to tell them, "here's a deal, if you find the money I'll pay it to you". I did contact Sacred Heart to apply for their Bridge program which is like a hardship application. So we will fill that out and see where it goes. I also Called Curry General Hospital, in Gold Beach Oregon, which is where we had to stop for me on the way down to Cali. in June. Because we don't live in the area we don't qualify for any sort of financial assistance through them. So the full $900 is our portion. Good times.
On the way home from the ER the second night our check Engine light came on in the new car. Awesome. We're taking it into the dealer tomorrow to have it looked at. Praying it's something simple and cheep(or free).
So here's the icing on the cake for the week. At about 3:30 today (Friday) I got asked to go back to the office where our office manager was. I joked before leaving the front desk that I must be safe to go cause it wasn't the "end of the day yet". Well I was wrong. I got back to the office and she was sitting at the desk with my employee file. She started to explain that we hadn't been bringing in enough money as a clinic and they were going to have to cut a full time position. Due to the amount of absences I'd had, in spite of the fact that it was because my husband has F@&#ing CANCER!!, I was the one they were letting go. They did say if things picked back up and they were needing another full time person again they would want me back. Of course with the fact that I am the only income besides Social Security, I can't exactly wait for that to happen. So tonight we went out on the double date we had been planning with friends. One last night of fun, and of course I nice stiff drink, played some Mario Kart, watched some Greg the Bunny and now off to bed soon.
Tomorrow We will get up, take the car in, see a friend we haven't seen in a long time, Sunday church and Monday go to unemployment, social services to see about food stamps and look for work.
God has a plan in all of this. I DO sill believe this. I just feel like I'm wearing a blindfold and being spun in circles right now. I don't know when I'll stop spinning and hear the word "go" but I"m starting to get nauseous.

1 Peter 4:13
^12-13Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner. - The Message

Living in a game of Whack-a-mole

Right now that's what life feels like. You finally get up for air only to be hit in the head by a giant mallet that knocks you right back into your hole. It felt like things were going ok for a week or so. Aaron's chemo is harder on him and he has tougher side effects, but things seemed to be tolerable. There just seems to be one thing after another that smacks us in the head.
Relay for Life was this last weekend at Thurston High school. This is a great event to raise awareness and money for cancer and research. We had a fun team, but missed those who didn't/couldn't come. Aaron had chemo the morning of and went straight to Relay after. He was able to walk the survivor lap, but due to how the meds act in the heat didn't do any other walking. Our team captain Sonja was amazing. She took an 8 hour shift over night when we didn't have anyone to walk and ended up doing 27 miles total. I got in 7 miles myself. We are all paying for it today. My shins feel like I got hit with a 2x4. Maybe it was that stupid whack-a-mole hammer.
We're getting ready for a show that is very important to Aaron and will be something to check off his bucket list. It's a reunion show of Comedy Sportz Eugene. It's not only going to allow him to play one more time with friends but it's a fundraiser for us as well.
Our car has been slowly dying. We've put several hundred dollars that we didn't really have into it to keep it running. Today, on top of Aaron being tired from Chemo and Relay for life this weekend, and me hurting after walking 7 miles at Relay, our car decided to revolt one more time. Yet another whack on the head from that hammer. Today it started over heating, having smoke come out from the hood and dying every time I took my foot off the gas. We just put in a new clutch, new brakes, new spark plugs and some other stuff. This car is starting to cost more than it's worth. We were able to get a small loan for a car through a place that works with high risk loans (since we filed bankruptcy). The catch is we have to come up with $1,000 down payment. We're hoping that the comedy show will bring in enough to pay bills and help us get the car we need. Some people may think that that's not something you should do s fundraiser for. Well, if we don't have a car I can't get to work easily, there's nothing there for us if I have to take Aaron to the hospital and as much as Aaron's parents help drive him to appointments and stuff it is nice to be able to take him myself. We're not getting a brand new car by any means. Trying to find something newer than what we have with as low miles as we can get and an automatic.
Thank you for those of you who are and have supported us, be it in prayer, finances or physical help. We truly do appreciate it. I never though something as simple as washing the dishes or mowing the lawn could become such a daunting task. Most days I am so physically and emotionally tired when I get home from work it's all I can do to come up with an idea for dinner, let alone make it. If anyone wants to know what they can do to help just e-mail me. I don't want to be rude but please only e-mail if you truly do want to help. We have had a lot of people offer or say I'm here if you need me but then never hear from them. Right now spending time with Aaron is my priority. We gotta enjoy what we can when we can between hits from that darn mallet. So please contact me if you want to help. Don't wait for me to contact you cause I don't like to ask for help.
I hope we will see all of you at the show next weekend. August 14 · 6:00pm - 8:00pm Lane Community College Theater 4000 East 30th Ave Eugene, OR. Tickets are $7 in advance at http://www.judasforgiven.com/ or $10 at the door. (Kids 6-12 and Seniors 55 and up can get in for $5 but that price is ONLY AVAILABLE AT THE DOOR.) I really want to see a packed house for Aaron. This show is important to him. If you can't come I understand that life is happening as well. But please tell you friends. Pass on the info.
Thanks for letting me complain again.