This is my second week on weight watchers. I hadn't wanted to start a "diet" with all the other stress that has been going on. I am a stress eater. Nothing gives the illusion of halting a problem for me better than hostess products or fried food. I'm not proud to admit that. It's pretty embarrassing. I finally got to the point one night when I felt like I couldn't breath well and all I was doing was sitting on the couch. It was time to start something. I've done slim fast many times and Herba-life, tried one or two pills, natural acai diet pills, nothing works long term. I have felt so overwhelmed by things as simple as a sink full of dishes, or laundry in the corner of our room that the thought of working out just made me shut down completely. It's just so easy to say screw it all when you're depressed and go to bed or sit on the couch all day.
Last week was hard to start. I was given 34 points a day with a weekly bonus of 35 points to use whenever. On Monday I used all of my daily points and almost half of my weekly points. The rest of the week was a bit easier. I have found that I really enjoy using my wii fit. I've also had to overcome the fear of working out in front of people. I know Aaron loves me and my body just the way I am, but I have never been comfortable working out in the house in front of him. Just self insecurities. But working out with a video game has made things fun and I'm able to laugh at myself if I screw up.
The last two days I have found myself wanting to work out out of boredom. This morning the sun was out and there was a cool breeze so I put Belle's leash on her and we went for a walk. She's quite the pansy when things are new and the falling leaves freaked her out a bit so after once around the block I dropped her off and went another round. In total I did 1.4 miles. Which is good for me. I've always wanted to be the kind of person that could go for a run. There are times when I've been upset or angry and I just think, "I wish I could go for a run". I know it's going to be a long time till I"m at the point that I can go out and run. I have to work up to that. I'm pretty sure if I did that now I'd feel like I was going to die or my lungs were going to explode after about a block. I'll get there.
This last week we finally did the thing no one likes to do. We wrote down all our monthly expenses and added them up. Then added up my unemployment and Aaron's disability and realized that on a monthly basis we were $210 short. That does not consider the cost of food and gas. We discussed our options and came to the conclusion that in order to cover everything we needed to there was a possibility that we would have to drop his COBRA insurance which is $410 a month. Knowing his insurance was going to end in December we had just been working on getting paperwork and documentation about his disability into the COBRA administrator in order to get the 11 month extension that they have to give by law. We started to pray for a clear answer of what we should do. The options were, I get a full time job (which I've been looking for for 8 weeks now), Aaron get a part time job (which I was not a fan of), or we drop his insurance (also not a fan of and being the last option as he would also have to stop treatment).
Today we got notification from the COBRA administrator that somewhere in the fine print of all the paperwork we got when Aaron started COBRA, it stated that if he went on disability they had to be notified within 60 days of that decision. This was the first we had heard of this. Therefor Aaron does not qualify for the 11 month extension, meaning his insurance will end at the end of December. So as we stand now, he will have to stop treatment in December as well. This breaks my heart. Although we got the clear answer we were praying for.
We will continue to look at any possible options. We have been denied Oregon health Plan insurance twice because, believe it or not, with my unemployment and his disability we make too much. We will be trying this option once more time maybe with help from the cancer center to get coverage. Willamette Valley Cancer Institute is also trying to find grants or foundations to help pay for things, meds, Dr visits, treatment, etc. Many people have brought up medicare/medicaid. There is a manditory waiting period of two years from your first disability check before you qualify unless you have kidney failure. So, Aaron doesn't qualify for that for another year. Just paying for treatment or doing a payment plan with the Dr.'s office is not an option as treatment every other week is around $16,000.
So, the decision that was made for us has caused many feelings. Relief that we don't have to make the decision to stop insurance due to money, but deep sadness at the realization that things are indeed getting closer to the end. I don't know how long Aaron will have after he stops treatment. While the meds weren't getting rid of any cancer, they were holding back the growth. Aaron will have an MRI next Wednesday to find out where things are at and if anything has grown or gone away. I guess that will give us a closer estimate of time.
One thing I know is true, is God has a plan. I may not know what it is, but I trust it and have faith that it is for our good and not to harm us. One thing I hope, is that with the money we would have been spending on insurance, we can take one last trip or just do some things local that we haven't been able to do. I want whatever time we have left to be enjoyable and make memories. Not scrounging to figure out how to make rent, or going through movies to see what we can sell to get gas money.
Thank you to all of you who have helped us financially as well as with prayers. We really do appreciate it. Although we may feel some faint relief in a while, I'm afraid things are going to continue to get harder.
No comments:
Post a Comment