Just the beginning

So I finally broke down and started a blog. Let's hope I'm more consistent with this than any diary I've ever started.
I'm having a hard night and I think writing may help. This weekend was incredibly busy. Friday night was Aaron's benefit show. We got to ride in a donated limo and it was a great performance by all. I hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. I actually had a sore throat and ached a bit the next day from laughing to hard. The turn out was not what we had hoped for and after paying for shirts to be made for the show we didn't come out as far ahead as we would have liked for it being a fundraiser. But it was a fun night and that's all Aaron really wanted. Saturday I worked in the morning, then slept to catch up on what I missed the night before, then went out for our friends birthday. Karaoke was fun as usual and it's always fun to hang out with Tim and Caitlin. Sunday morning we had church outside followed by a picnic. Then more relaxing. So why am I so emotional today?! I've been unmotivated, grouchy and tired all day. I've been dealing with horrible cramps thanks to my newly found ovarian cyst but I think this is more than PMS.
We leave to NYC a week from tomorrow. I love planning trips. Finding things to do, a place to stay, getting tickets to things. A radio station that interviewed Aaron a while ago about selling add space on his urn is paying for the flight. After hours searching for e-mail addresses for anyone who may be involved with or have connections to the show Wicked, I got amazing tickets for a ridiculously low price. All that's left is the hotel. I want Aaron to be able to do everything he wants to do and not feel like he missed anything. He says He only wants to spend time with me there but I want him to do things he's always wanted to. So therefore all the planning I enjoy has quickly become a stress that we won't have the funds to do things. Unless we stay in a hostel it's almost impossible to find a hotel that's not miles away from where we need to be for less that $180 a night. I just have this fear that so many things are lining up and there's going to be one thing that happens that will prevent the trip from happening because we couldn't afford it.
I also wish that I could spend more time with Aaron. I have to work full time to keep benefits. It's not an option but some days it's so hard to leave him at home. I feel like I have such a limited time left and half of it is spent with me at work. Don't get me wrong, I love my work and they have been amazing to me. Everyone is very understanding of our situation and they let me have the time I need. It's my own guilt in the back of my head knowing that I'm leaving people short handed that gets to me.
So in seven days we leave for the trip of a lifetime. I get to fly for the second time in my life and it's to NYC! Sometimes I think it would be nice to pack up and leave everything and move there. But then I realize that the cancer would follow us there and we can't afford to fly the amazing people from Willamette Valley Cancer Institute there with us. So that's out.
So I'll just try to choose joy in the situations I can't control and trust that God will provide us with what we need when we need it.
Thanks for reading. Hope I didn't bore you too much.